Crabby in Singapore

It is HOT and WET!

I got in to Singapore at 7pm this evening and so far I am loving life. I got a cab to the hotel, got out of my sweaty shirt and pants and jumped into some shorts and a tshirt.

So I met some cool cats on the plane who gave me the heads up that there are a lot of rubbish places to eat here and there is a very easy way to tell what places are not so amazing and what places are bangin'.

Crap places will be close to empty and bangin' places will be chock full of locals no matter what time of the day.

So I ventured out onto the streets to find some fare and on the other side of the road was a place that only had one table empty whilst everywhere else had fifteen. I waited patiently for the pedestrian light to change (yes its a strict $100 fine) and snagged it.

I looked at the menu and it had a english/chinese translation. Something else the guys told me on the plane was that Singapore serving size is smallish so I ordered the Chilli Crab with a side of Kai Lan (the waitress looked somewhat impressed that I knew what it was) and waited patiently for my food.

Now for a little back story, I am not exceptionally experienced with crab and what the procedure is to eat it from the shell. By exceptionally I mean I've never had to man handle the crab.

So I'm the only white(?) person in this canteen and pretty much everyone over the age fifty is staring at me out of the corner or their eyes and my plate of crab and kai lan comes over.

The crab was served in a plate the size of a pizza and the kai lan looked as though no one else would be able to order it again for the next two weeks as I would of eaten the national supply.
Just as I was about to tell everyone not to panic because I was American, my crab crushing implements came aaaaaannddd..... I lost my shit.

I started off trying to destroy this crab delicately so as not to attract any more stares but to no luck. Just as I swear the pincer was about to break half the crab slipped out of my greasy little fingers onto my shorts and then onto the floor.

I picked my crab off the floor and put him back on plate, looking around sheepishly at the families who were pretending not to notice. And then, I stopped caring because I took my first bite of that crab. It tasted like a freaking cloud. It was soft and juicy and tasted nothing like a california roll. This crab fulfilled my wildest, crabbiest dreams. I ditched the fork and spoon and attacked that bad boy with everything I had.

After twenty short minutes I had had my way with that crustacean, and those poor Chinese families will never look at a crab the same way again.

End of Day One.